My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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