Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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