I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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