my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
