It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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