Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
