if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
