Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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