Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
