Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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