I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
