I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
