I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
