just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
