I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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