I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
