sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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