i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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