yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
