I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
