that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
