i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
