Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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