So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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