He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
