I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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