he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
