We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
