if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize