Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
