There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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