Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
