Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
