my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The adults are the big ones right?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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