hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
