I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
