put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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