I could have mohawked her pubes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
