Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
