and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
