you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
