my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
