listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
