My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
