I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
