You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
