If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
