i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
