Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
