you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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