True but thats because hes a fetus.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
