hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
