Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
