That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
