Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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