You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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