Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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