woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
