First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
