I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
