Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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